The Lollygag Conjure

Happy Feast Day! Today is April 19th, the Feast Day for St. Expedite. And what better way to pay homage to him than to talk about what he is most famous for?

As the Patron Saint of Procrastination, I bring to you today, the Lollygag Conjure.

For a magickal antidote to lollygagging, dilldallying and just plain putting things off, I offer to you this conjure inspired by my own tendency to engage in the evil deed so aptly described by Frank Hangler of the Oxford Internet Institute (2014):

Thomas de Quincey claimed it was worse than murder. Krishna declared it a sign of a degenerate soul. For Abraham Lincoln’s wife it was her ‘evil genius’. Estimates suggest that 80-95% of college students engage in it, and 20% of people are chronic sufferers. Even the Ancient Egyptians bitched about it in hieroglyphics. (Hangler, 2014).

What is “it”? Why procrastination, of course! And it just so happens to be one of St. Expedite’s areas of expertise. Which is awesome, since it clearly isn’t one of ours. Okay, so if that statement doesn’t apply to you, then move on, because the rest if us need to talk...to St. Expedite, that is. 

See, the cool thing is that even if we procrastinate, St. Expedite doesn’t. So we can lollygag and dillydally all we want; but, if we are careful to ask him to take care of certain issues for us, then he will—as long as we do so in a sincere and effective manner. 

The image above is taken from the frontispiece of Anthony Walker’s The Great Evil of Procrastination (1682) and will serve as the petition paper for this work. Make a copy of it and print it out. I made it as four in one so you will have four petitions actually. You will also need a red candle and St. Expedite oil for this work for expediency. 

Set up your altar according to instructions on page 47. Fix a red candle by writing the word “PROCRASTINATION” on the candle with a pin or a nail. Anoint with St. Expedite Oil. Write on the back of the petition paper “PROCRASTINATION” in red ink nine times and turn the paper once to the right and write over and across the words “HODIE” nine times. Set the petition paper under the red candle face down. Light the candle. Say the following prayer nine times in a row and allow the candle to burn down. Once it has burned down completely, burn the petition and scatter it to the four winds. Remember to thank St. Expedite publicly after he grants your request. 

Prayer to Saint Expedite to End Procrastination 

St. Expedite, witness of Faith to the point of martyrdom, 

in exercise of Good, you make tomorrow today. 

You live in the fast time of the last minute, 

always projecting yourself toward the future. 

Give strength to the heart of the man who doesn't 

look back and who doesn't postpone. 

Amen.* 

*Prayer to end Procrastination is from https://saintexpedite.org/prayers.html

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Prayers to St. Expedite

There are numerous prayers for St. Expedite; one only need to do a Google search to discover them. However, there is something to be said about saying a heartfelt prayer as opposed to a structured prayer written by someone else.

Here is a quick prayer you can easily memorize and say to the Minute Saint, as he is referred to by an informant in the Hyatt texts, when all you have is a minute to ask for his intercession and need some quick St. Expedite lucky mojo:

Glorious St. Expedite,

I beg you to intercede before the Holy Trinity and grant me the grace of (state your petition). Answer me, and I will spread the glory of your name. Amen.

The above prayer can be said at any time without any sort of accoutrement. However, if you snap your fingers before saying the prayer you will be sure to get his attention. 

Here is another prayer that can be said for getting a job:

Glorious St. Expedite, I call upon your power, speed and ability to come to my assistance and help me to gain employment. Quickly, bring to me (state your need). Grant me my petition with haste, and I will spread the glory of your good name. Amen.

With the above prayer, burn a dual action red/green candle anointed with St. Expedite Fast Luck Oil.

For a Nine Hour Novena to St. Expedite, please visit the Crossroads University blog. It is a long devotion that takes a serious time commitment out of your day, but if you need serious help in a serious hurry, then make like St. Expedite and do the Nine Hour Novena to St. Expedite.

And of course, you will find many more prayers to St Expedite in the book, The Conjurer's Guide to St. Expedite.

St. Expedite Fast Luck Oil is a beautiful red oil infused with luck drawing ingredients that will amplify your petitions three fold. Simply anoint your candles, petition papers, mojos, roots and anything you wish to enhance with the Power of the Minute Saint himself. This oil is handcrafted and consecrated to St. Expedite with the appropriate prayers and ritual intent.

$9.95 for one 4 dram bottle